The Caring Committee is an unusual committee, because to be a “member,” you only need to be a member of Temple Israel or the TI Early Childhood Center.   That is, you do not need to come to meetings or do anything at all “for” the committee on any regular basis.  There is something for every individual and family to do on our committee.  If you have very little time but want to do something caring, even just one time, you may want to make and deliver meal or a card to a family in which someone is ill.     You may want to help select items for, put together, or deliver baby baskets.  When you receive a “sad news” email from the Rabbi, you may be moved to comfort someone by making a shiva call.

 

 It is my greatest pleasure to help people find something they are comfortable doing.   Maybe you have knowledge you would like to share, from your own personal experience (e.g., with bereavement, illness, or any stage of the life cycle.)  That knowledge might be built into one of our programs, or you might choose to share it one on one with someone who needs some assistance.   Now, once you have participated in any way, I can guarantee you will feel terrific and probably end up wanting to do more. 

 

Many of our members have forged strong bonds of friendship, and we enjoy our meetings as times to plan programs, evaluate and discuss ongoing efforts, and reconnect with each other.  I hope you will email me at caring@tiwestport.org with any ideas for the committee, and any questions you might have about how you might join in.  I look forward to meeting you!   

 

As always, if you would like to help this wonderful group to provide a caring community for our congregation, if you need help, yourself, or if you know someone who might like some assistance in times of illness or bereavement, please contact us.  All information is confidential.  

 

Caring Committee contact information:

Rabbi Orkand:  rorkand@tiwestport.org, 227-1293

Chairperson, Andrea Fein: andreafein29@gmail.com  454-9666

Bereavement coordinator, Judy Small:  judy@4smalls.com  227-2281

Illness coordinator, Abby Wadler:  arwadler@sbcglobal.net   226-8974

Baby Welcome coordinator, Janet  Albert:  jalbert516@optonline.net  227-1867

ECC liaison, Lauren Goodman:  goodiegirls@mac.com   341-0181 

TI Rides coordinator, Sherry Jonas:  sdjonas@optonline.net  226-8462

Programs, Alicia Kennedy:  akennedy@thehomeorganizer.com    255-1615

Executive Board liaison, Diana Muller:  muller51@optonline.net  226-6588

A Message from the Caring Committee

About all that Sad News …

By Andrea Fein, Chairman

As chairperson of the Temple Israel Caring Committee, I am frequently asked how I manage, being involved in all of the sadness that is part of this position. A good friend nicknamed it “the tragedy committee!” While we do have the pleasure of delivering baby baskets and sharing in so many happy times with our congregation, what stands out to many seems to be our role in comforting the bereaved.

I am no expert at the Jewish approach to bereavement, and I’m not someone who was ever particularly drawn to the subject – not many people are! I write this as a layperson, in an attempt to try to reach others who, like most of us, may be uncomfortable with funerals and shiva and reaching out when someone has had a loss. I have learned an immense and precious lesson in the short time I have had this role. This I will try to share briefly with you, especially those of you who might – understandably – shy away from the obligation, or mitzvah, of comforting the bereaved.

The main thing to me seems to be to do something to connect with and support the person, even if you are uncomfortable and worried you might say or do the wrong thing. Last December, we were lucky to have Dale Atkins-Rosen lead a group of us in an educational/brainstorming session about shiva. One of the great insights that emerged was that simple companionship, just showing up and being there can be extraordinarily helpful and important. Once you do so, you will become more and more comfortable in the role, and will become an integral part of our community of caring.

So, how to do this? Are there rights and wrongs in comforting the bereaved? Not really, although there are wonderful Jewish traditions that make good sense. Shiva is not something to which you must be invited. The idea of shiva is for the mourners not to be alone while in mourning – we take care of each other. It is traditional to bring nourishing and delicious food, and to sit if the mourner is sitting. You might find that there are low benches for mourners to sit on, the mirrors may be covered, the mourner(s) unshaven, and doors unlocked. During shiva, you are welcome to walk in without knocking or ringing a doorbell. Sometimes, sitting quietly by is perfect. Other times, you may take the opportunity to ask something about the deceased, as in, “I didn’t know ___ well…Do you feel like talking about her?” Or, “When was this picture taken, what were you all doing?” If the mourner does not feel like talking, you do not need to fill the space with your talk: it is not about you, and this is not like a party where you might want to make idle conversation. Make eye contact with the people you are visiting, and take your cues from them.

It seems that people do not “get over” death, they – I should say “we” – learn to integrate the loss into our lives. This takes time and effort from all of us. Sometimes it remains quite difficult for a long time after the shiva period, after everyone has left. Grief may come in waves, and at unexpected times. Whether you were able to share in the immediate grief of the funeral and shiva, or not, as a member of the community of Temple Israel you are automatically also a part of the Caring Committee. The people who come to meetings and take on specific Caring Committee roles are doing amazing work, and I’ll be thrilled if you want to join them. However, all of us at Temple Israel are here to share good times and bad with each other, to be here for each other…and that is no tragedy! In the face of all the “Sad News,” our TI community has provided love and support beyond measure. If you have been reticent before, I hope you will feel comfortable participating next time you receive such an e-mail. Please e-mail me anytime (Andreafein29@gmail.com) if you

would like more information or need some help, or if you would like to participate more in the Caring Committee. We will be discussing programs for the upcoming year and would love your input. Finally, please consider joining us on Sunday, May 20, 9:00 AM to Noon for our Caregiver Workshop (free and open to the public), where we will have experts help us gain perspective and practical information about supporting spouses and parents as they age.

CaringCommittee Announces Two New Programs:

Ticket to Ride & I Care Boxes

By Andrea Fein, Chair, Caring Committee

 

The number one goal of the Caring Committee is to make every Temple Israel and ECC member feel

closely connected to and cared for by the Temple Israel community.

It is difficult, however, to stay connected if you are not able to get to the Temple for services or any of our myriad wonderful programs.

Beginning this month, we are asking for volunteers to sign up to offer rides to those who have

no transportation to Shabbat services and other Temple events.

You may begin just by offering a ride to and from Temple for any one day or evening — is

there one service or event you know you will be attending?

Do you have room in the car for one more?

Simply contact Sherry Jonas at sdjonas@optonline.net or 226-8462, and she will attempt to arrange to match drivers with riders.

We are thrilled to be able to begin to offer this driving service to Temple events.

Hopefully, this “ticket to ride” will ensure that everyone who wishes to will be able to participate fully in all that Temple Israel has to offer.

We want to share in your joy and help you when you need support…please help the Caring Committee stay informed.

“I Care” boxes are now located in both the Temple Israel main office and the ECC/Religious School office.

Please drop us a note if you know about a birth in the TI/ECC family, or a congregant illness or bereavement.

All information will be kept strictly confidential

 

Thank you to the exceptionally caring Judy Small for creatingthe boxes...

As always, if you would like to get involved with the Caring Committee

or share news with us, please contact Andrea Fein at andreafein29@gmail.com or 454-9666.